Channing Tatum said so...

One of my favourite films of 2012 was "21 Jump Street".  Aside from some eye candy (hello Channing Tatum) and lots of laughs, the film has a strong underlying message which is to promote that it's "cool" to care about other people, the environment and humanity in general.  I don't know why it was ever "cool" to pick on people, but I'm glad that fad has faded and since high school I think most us have grown out of trying to be "cool".  I've definitely noticed positive changes in society in this direction, but sometimes it still seems more acceptable or more common to put someone down or bitch about them than it is to give them a compliment.  I'm sure you agree that this doesn't seem quite right.  With all the awareness and rallying against bullies in the school yard, why do some adults think it's okay for them to bully other adults?  Is it a lack of education, lack of awareness or are we too afraid that we will be outcast if we don't instigate it or join in?  

Two well known sayings come to mind "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" and "Treat others the way you want to be treated".  If we are living by the latter then there seem to be quite a few of us who want to be bitched about, spoken to like we are stupid and put down.  Every time we say something negative about someone else we are making ourselves transparent because all it does is show our own insecurities.  If our boss calls us stupid, a friend calls us weak or a family member calls us lazy, they are rejecting unwanted behaviour in themselves.  We had the perfect response when we were kids "I know you are, you said you are, so what am I?".  It's probably not a very helpful response outside of the playground, but we can see clearly that when others taunt, tease or put us down that it's really about them, so it's not personal and we don't need to take it on.  "Bullies" are not bad people, they are merely misguided and when we respond with unwaivering kindness we have a chance at helping them curb their damaging behaviour patterns.  Strength is not measured by force or aggression, but by tenderness and love. 

We've all done it.  Aside from maybe the Dalai Lama the rest of us mortals are bound to let a neg slide here and there, heck there are dating books that encourage putting others down!  What we really have to ask is what does it say about us when we criticise others?  Does it make us feel better about ourselves?  On the surface it may appear to, but all it does is inflate the falsity of the ego and subconsciously it makes us feel worse.  When we voice more of our positive, kind thoughts and refuse to say negative things about others, we find that a gesture as simple as a compliment not only makes others smile, but it makes us feel good too.  When we come together with love and compassion we conquer bullying behaviour and it creates a pattern where "bullies" are the ones who are having to sacrifice their beliefs and they must be kind in order to fit into society rather than the other way around.  We are not in competition with each other, we are here to help each other and when we live in harmony we live longer, happier, more fulfilling lives.  Hey, if Channing Tatum said so...

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Medicate or Meditate?

Having a cold beer or a glass of wine after a hard day is considered normal in most social circles.  It's a common belief that alcohol can help us achieve relaxation.  It's all well and good to have the odd drink, but is  it really a good idea to use alcohol for relaxation or stress relief?

Bondi to Bronte walk, Sydney, Australia

In it’s early stages alcohol appears to quieten the mind and help us achieve a peaceful state.  This effect is caused by  the releasing of chemicals into the pleasure centres of the brain creating a diversion from our stressful feelings or thoughts and giving the illusion of stress relief.  Instead of concentrating on our thoughts we concentrate on the pleasurable feelings we are experiencing thus quietening our mind and achieving a momentary state of bliss.  A kind of meditative state.  But studies have shown that just one glass of wine in the evening can disturb our quality of sleep.

A healthy alternative is obviously meditation and although there's a lot more awareness of the benefits, many still consider meditation as foreign or unattainable.  What most people don't know is that we don't have to completely empty our minds to be successful at it.  Any time spent in silence with our eyes closed and the intention of peace is much more beneficial than most people realise.  It's the mind's nature to wander, what's important is that we don't get frustrated when it does and we gently bring the mind back to whatever the meditation technique teaches us to focus on, which can be as simple as the breath.

If our goal is to quiet the mind so that we can connect with our inner peace and achieve a meditative state of bliss and alcohol and mediation appear to have similar effects, alcohol is usually the preferred choice simply for it's immediate effects and social popularity.  But we need to look at the bigger picture.  With alcohol the momentary state of bliss seems to get shorter the more we drink and can be accompanied by many health problems with the hangover being the least of our worries.  Whereas the more we practise meditation the longer the states of bliss last for and the better we get at achieving them.  When we meditate instead of medicate we improve both our short term and long term health, relaxation and general well being.   Meditation is a practise, not a religion, so anyone can do it.  It's benefits are recognised by many scientists giving evidence to the idea that faith and science are not contradictory, they are complimentary.

I've tried several meditation techniques and these are the two I'd recommend in Melbourne:

Softcore meditation (recommended for beginners)
This drop in class only costs $12 including refreshments.  You don't have to sit on the floor with your legs crossed (although you're welcome to do so at the back of the room if you'd prefer), the room is filled with comfortable chairs and the meditation portion of the class is very easy and relaxed.   Gen Kelsang Dornying is particuarly hilarious (comparable to a stand up comedian).  These classes are held all over Australia.  Check out the below link for your nearest class:
http://meditateinmelbourne.org/albert-park

Hardcore meditation
To learn this technique you must complete a 10 day Vippassana course (which is paid for by donation or serving).  I'd recommend reading "The Art of Living" by Mr. S.N. Goenka before attending the course.  My advice is to stick to the rules while taking a course, but only apply the principles to your life that fit for you.
www.aloka.dhamma.org

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Commitment

Spot the sober person!  (Carrum Beach, Melbourne, Australia)

There comes a time during every commitment where it's tempting to doubt and question whether to continue.  That time for me has been over the last month.  Not drinking alcohol during winter was a breeze (excuse the pun).  Any desire to drink was only momentary, sweeping and followed by a deep appreciation for the positives of my abstinence.  Over the last 8 months I've had times where I've wondered whether I would ever want to drink again and I do think that at some point in my life I will stop drinking altogether, but for now my goal was to challenge societies views on alcohol and I feel like I've done that.  

At this point I've achieved everything I was aiming to do and more than I imagined and I've found myself contemplating whether to end my abstinence here.  I'm so busy taking action on the things I set out to do that I have less time to analyse my life without alcohol.  With wedding season in full swing and the festive season fast approaching I've bargained with myself that the odd celebratory champas wouldn't hurt, but I'm still having a ball at events without drinking (this photo taken at an engagement party being a perfect example), so on the other hand there's also no reason why I need to drink.  Looking at what I've achieved so far makes me all the more curious to see what the next 4 months will bring.  So I'm honouring my commitment through the summer and all the way to March 25th 2013.  Let the sober festive season begin!

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Laughter is the best medicine

We all know the saying "laughter is the best medicine", but how often do we actually reach for a laugh instead of a pill or tablet?  According to Dr Soroush Habibi children laugh on average 400 times a day whereas adults only laugh around 15 times a day.  In the past society and advertising have taught us to reach for drugs to cure our ailments, but as we are becoming more aware of the benefits of natural remedies we are learning that a cure for pain can be as simple as a good hearty laugh.  Uncle Albert in the classic Mary Poppins laughed so hard that he floated up to the ceiling.  Doesn't laughter feel so good that at times we feel as if we are floating?

Pain can be used to describe stress, sadness, loss, depression, physical injury or sickness and it can go as far as describing embarrassment or disappointment.  At times we feel pressured to take pain very seriously.  In these situations we feel that we should be crying not laughing because it's a time for sympathy and jokes or humour are frowned upon as most inappropriate. If we take all painful experiences seriously we set ourselves up for a pretty solemn life.  When we are able to have a sense of humour through our misery it gives us a chance to release some of the pressure and allows us to still acknowledge and address the pain, yet maintain a connectedness to the understanding that everything is going to be okay and nothing is the end of the world... except the end of the world.  


When we look at the irony of any given situation there's always an opportunity for comedy, even in the midst of horrific pain, a change of perspective can trigger a therapeutic laugh.  I'm not saying that if someone is in pain we should point at them and laugh, I'm saying if we are able to find the humour in our own pain then we can encourage those around us to laugh and instead of misery spreading misery we spread laughter and hope.  Misery loves company, but so does laughter.

Benefits of laughter

* Save money and look younger: a simple smile releases natural chemicals in the face which cause a youthful effect in the skin.  Put your wrinkle cream or injection money toward seeing a funny movie, going to see some stand up or spending time with family and friends.  I know my family and friends can still make me laugh more than any comedian.

* Healthy lungs & immune system: laughter can help clear mucus from your lungs and it increases the concentration of immunoglobulin A in your saliva which helps fight off colds, flu and sinus.

* Healthy heart: laughter increases circulation and improves the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout your body.

* Tone up: We all know that a good laugh can result in aching abs the next day.  A hearty laugh exercises our neck, chest, abdomen and diaphragm!

* Fight stress and pain:  laughter raises the levels of endorphins and T-cells which releases stress, aids in pain relief and works like a natural tranquilliser.  

* Relaxation:  laughter's tranquilliser effect naturally relaxes the body.  Instead of reaching for a glass of wine after a hard day, reach for a joke instead.

* Happiness: the most obvious benefit of laughter is increased happiness.

They say bad news travels fast, but when we make an effort to spread funny stories instead our laughter becomes contagious and ripples through society lifting the energy of towns, cities and countries until happiness is a more powerful force.    "...and the more the glee... he he he he... the more I'm a merrier me..." (from the song I love to laugh, Mary Poppins).

(Dr Soroush Habibi owns and practises at ProWellness, Port Melbourne.  He has written the book Nutritional Healing which is referenced in this post)

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Past to Present

Southbank, Melbourne, Australia

Past to Present
Say it now before it's too late.

We don't know what the future holds

or what's beyond the gate.

Regrets are unnecessary,

just say how you feel.

And you will find the words are kind,

no need to conceal.

Don't look back.

Do not say mistake.

You cannot dwell on what is done,

it's just a risk you take.

When chances are embraced in full 

and fun, fight, games take hook:

The adventures of your life will be like pages in a book.

I recently came across this poem which I wrote when I was about 14.  Clearly I was a budding Shakepeare (jokes).  Although the words are simple, the meaning behind them is not.  I wrote this before I had read anything about living in the now and before I practised meditation or mindfulness.  It's as if we have the answers when we're young and if we lose our way at some point life forces us to work to reconnect with the wisdom inside of us.  I think this is what they mean when they tell us to get in touch with our inner child.  Our inner child is our true self before life's trials and tribulations build up in our minds and our bodies.  We are not our frustrations, our pains and our fears.  We are not our careers, our possessions or our achievements.  Our inner truth is loving and wise.  At the core we are gentle and we are kind.  But in a fast paced world we have to constantly work to remain connected to this part of ourselves so that we don't allow negative thoughts and feelings to manifest into anger, fears or limitations.

The past only affects our present if we allow it to.  If we let go of the past then, and only then, are we able to fully live in the present and avoid limiting ourselves to repeating patterns of behaviour over and over throughout our lives.  
We are the authors of our own lives and we have the ability to create anything we want.  We just have to work out exactly what that is.  Your carriage awaits...

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Relax Max

Port Melbourne, Australia

August was a busy month.  This week I finally finished a project I’ve been working really hard on, so by Friday night I was ready to celebrate!  I rocked up at a friend’s birthday a little disappointed that I couldn’t have a celebratory champagne.  Instead I drank flavoured soda water all night (I’m really living on the edge!) and in the end I was actually glad I couldn't drink because not only did I have an amazing night dancing and chatting to friends, but I woke this morning feeling fresh as a daisy!

In low doses (one or two drinks) alcohol may have effects that are associated with relaxation, but by not drinking I managed to feel relaxed Friday night through to Saturday and the effects will last all weekend.  Any time I surpass a desire to drink because of my year without it I have such a good time and wake the next morning feeling so amazing that I wonder what all the hype over drinking is about.  To all those who have said they couldn't do a year without alcohol (a surprising 90% of people I've spoken to) I have to tell you:  Life is just as good, if not better without it!

I've come across a whole community of alcohol abstainers called Hello Sunday Morning.  Started up by a guy  in his yearly 20's called Chris Raine the site is home to thousands of supporters and members who blog about their experiences with sobriety during stints of 3/6 months or 1 year off alcohol.  It's nothing short of amazing!  Social media is not my forte, but thankfully the 20 somethings have it all under control!  Check out the website: http://hellosundaymorning.com.au/about/

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Same Same... But Different

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” ~ Audre Lorde 

Sydney, Australia

Our differences are recognisable by the way we dress, our mannerisms, our lifestyle choices, our beliefs, our behaviour; with no two people the same, what a diverse and interesting world we live in.  But no matter how different we may appear on the surface, at the heart of all of us is a similarity that will always connect us.  We are human.  And what is it to be human?  At the core we are all driven by a need for love and a search for happiness and meaning in our lives.  The way we go about this is what creates the divide... but why does there have to be a divide at all?  

I recently read an article on the struggles of being a mother and the writer was defending the judgements placed on parents by non-parents.  After the article there was an extremely lengthy argument of posts between parents and non-parents.   All they were doing was justifying their position and what they’re going through.  All I could hear from each of them is “understand me”.  Why do we feel the need to justify our choices?  Why do people who have made different choices to us or people who are different automatically become the opposition?  Now that racial and sexual orientation discrimination is no longer tolerated or socially acceptable, are we just finding other ways of disapproving of each other?  

Expression of opinion can be healthy, but if we debate out of ego it can develop into anger or rage.  Where do we draw the line?  Religious vs non-religious, single vs married, parents vs non-parents, drinkers vs non-drinkers, men vs women, introverted vs extroverted... If I consider myself an optimist and I condemn pessimists, well then that's rather pessimistic of me isn't it?  We complain about injustice and war in the world, yet we are creating mini wars with each other every day.  Why can’t we just respect each other’s choices and accept each other the way we are?  

Whether I hear an excerpt from the Torah, the Bible or a book about our place in the Universe, whether I hear a Priest, Monk, Rabi, Yogi or Scientist speak… I hear the same voice.  A voice that says we all have good in us and we must grow and work to remain connected to this part of ourselves each day.  Anyone acting from anger and hatred is merely misguided, and before we start pointing the finger at other people, we must realise that we have all been guilty of this at some point.  None of us are an exception to this rule.  We are human.  And the human condition is beautifully flawed creating a desire to learn and grow to be better.   The more we work on accepting ourselves and others, the more our enemies become our friends, our struggles become our successes, our anger becomes compassion and intolerance becomes acceptance and appreciation for our differences.  

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I've had the time of my life... and I owe it all to Booze??

Dirty Dancing

"...you're the one thing I can't get enough of
so I'll tell you something... This could be love...
be-cause I've had the time of my life and I've never felt this way before,
yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to BOOZE..."

When we were young most of us who tasted alcohol thought it was disgusting, we couldn't understand why adults liked it so much and swore we would never drink it, but after acquiring a taste for it and choosing our poison our relationship with alcohol may have, at some point, resembled this famous Dirty Dancing song.

So what created this love affair with alcohol? 

Quentin Tarantino (a famous film maker) often “presents” independent films so that they have a better chance of getting a decent audience at the cinema, but he has nothing to do with the making of the film.  So the film is only made more appealing by it’s association with Quentin Tarantino.  Couldn’t that same formula be tricking us into giving alcohol all the credit for a good night out or a fun holiday?  Is it possible that we were having fun regardless of the fact that we were drinking, but the association with alcohol and a good time means we assume the alcohol was responsible for the fun?   

Alcohol is only "cool" by association.  Association with spending time with friends, letting go and having a good time.  It is true that sometimes alcohol may help us release our inhibitions, but we can do that without alcohol.  We did it as kids, we're just out of practise and we need to retrain ourselves to loosen up naturally.

"...With my body and soul I want you more than you'll ever know.. 
so we'll just let it go, don't be afraid to lose control..."

When we don't rely on alcohol as a social lubricant we learn to let go without it, both mentally and physically.  When our bodies are left to their natural devices they release endorphins in the same way that they do when we go for a run, play sport, take a yoga class or similar.  It might feel a little strange at first, but eventually it feels even better than letting go when drinking and the bonus is:  There's no hangover!  If other cultures can dance like no one's watching without needing "dutch courage", then surely so can we!

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Life is like a (half) marathon

Federation Square, Melbourne, Australia

Life is like a marathon.  
We draw inspiration from the people in front of us 
and we are humbled by those behind us, 
but the key is to stay focussed on ourselves,
where we're headed 
and compete only against our own best.

If we focus too much on the people overtaking us 
or in front of us we can become disheartened 
and if we look back too often at those behind us 
we can lose focus and trip up.  

There are always going to be rough spots;

pain kicks in, we feel like we can't take it any longer
and we want to give up.
But when we push through, adrenalin kicks in, 
we're taken to another level 
and we experience an intoxicating, rewarding high.

On Sunday I ran my fist half marathon.  This time 1 year ago I was recovering from surgery.  This time 2 years ago I couldn't run for longer than 5-10 minutes at a time (and I thought I never would).  
It wasn't easy, but I did it and I'm getting the sense that it's true when they say anything is possible.

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Selfishly Selfless

St Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia

On the flight of life we know that kindness toward others makes our journey more enjoyable, yet there seems to be some confusion around selfishness and selflessness.

Selflessness is the new black.  Everyone’s jumping on the charity band wagon these days because of a wonderful appreciation for altruism.  But sometimes in relationships when we sacrifice our own needs to help someone out we can be reactive and only end up making matters worse.  These situations often end with “I was only trying to help!”.   If we haven’t looked after ourselves first, are we really in the best condition to be assisting others? 

What of selfishness?  There are scientific theories on evolution based on the belief that all living things are competing with each other and therefore we must be selfish to survive, but these theories are based on physical survival only.  People who live unethically might “appear” to have survived, but it is impossible for someone who is ruthlessly selfish to be truly happy and we have proven time and time again that happiness can increase not only quality, but longevity of life.  

Rather than look at selfishness and selflessness as opposing, why not fuse them together so that they complement each other?   If selfishness is putting our desires first with total disregard for other people, then surely if we put our needs first, coupled with the intention of being in the best possible condition to help others, we’re not being selfish.  We’re being selfishly selfless.  Airhostesses have been trying to tell us all along: “Secure your own mask before assisting others”.

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Keeping up with Bridget Jones

Bridget Jones

Bridget Jones perfected the art of imperfection.  We love watching her and characters like Carrie Bradshaw, Nina Proudman or Ted Mosby take chances, put themselves out there and fall down (often literally) because when they make mistakes it makes us feel better about our failures.  It reassures us that it’s okay to be flawed.  

Keeping up with the Joneses is an out dated concept, yet we still feel pressure to “appear” as though we are perfect and that everything is “fine”.  Our imperfections make us unique.  Our scars, our mistakes, our battles, our struggles and failures help us grow so why would we want to hide them?  When we don’t accept ourselves as flawed, it creates an insecurity which can only be covered up by projecting an unrealistic expectation of perfection onto others and this can cause problems in relationships.  Whether it’s a boss who constantly berates employees for making mistakes or friends and lovers blaming and picking at each other, it’s merely a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. 
When we love and accept ourselves as flawed we allow others to feel accepted "... just as [they] are.  Not fatter, not thinner.  Not with slightly bigger breasts or a slightly smaller nose... just as [they] are." ~ Bridget Jones' Diary.

Mistakes and failures are merely learning curves and opportunities for growth.  Bridget and her fellow imperfectionists show us how making mistakes can lead to happiness because they always succeed in the end.  But what if happiness isn't at the end of the film or T.V. series.  What if happiness is right now?  Not when we get that dream job, lose weight, finish a degree, earn more money, find a partner, have a baby or move house... but right now. 

If success is happiness and we can only achieve true happiness through mistakes and failures, then surely we should be welcoming and celebrating failure rather than trying to avoid it?  I know I’ve made a million mistakes and I’ll make a million more.  And I wouldn’t change a single one because they are part of what has gotten me here… And here is pretty great.

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The Truth about Cats & Grog

by Sarah Walton

Okay, so I don’t know much about cats, but having grown up in Western Society I've had a decent amount of experience with Grog (an Australian term for alcohol).  I’ve talked about how I think most of us drink alcohol because of a misconception that we can’t have fun without it.  I’d like to explore more of these myths and why we grow up believing them.

Most of us started drinking alcohol during our late teens.  We had just survived voice breaking, bra slinging, period aching, pimple popping madness.  Ah, the Wonder Years!  Puberty and adolescence meant big changes.  Not just physically, but hormonally, socially and emotionally.   By beginning to drink as we "grew up" did some of us learn to associate drinking alcohol with the development of our coping techniques, our emotions and our confidence?

Here are a few common phrases that could be partially responsible:

“Have a drink to ease the pain."

MYTH:  We are weak, incapable of dealing with pain and therefore need alcohol to numb it.

TRUTH:   The human mind and body make us one of the most complex, resilient beings on this planet.   Our mind is a muscle and just like our bicep, the more we use it, the stronger it becomes.  When we don’t rely on alcohol and we use our mind to deal with pain, we not only learn to control our response to it, but we increase our resilience to pain in the future.

  

“A couple of nerve settlers will do the trick!”

MYTH:  We’re not competent in coping with nerves and alcohol helps to calm us down.

TRUTH: Research on the central nervous system tells us that alcohol systematically destroys our nerves and can cause anxiety.  All we have to do is take note of the fragile state we’re in when we’re hung-over to experience the effects for ourselves.  When we address the core beliefs that are responsible for nerves not only are we competent in coping with them, but we can often prevent them from surfacing in the first place.

“Alcohol gives you dutch courage.”  

MYTH: We lack confidence and alcohol provides us with the confidence we need.

TRUTH:  Alcohol hinders our judgement which often means we do things we later regret resulting in a lack of confidence and lowering of the self-esteem.  When we are brave enough to take measured risks without alcohol, it strengthens our confidence and helps us build a healthier self-esteem.

I love our Aussie commitment to being "true blue", but are the blurred lines between arrogance and self-confidence causing us to encourage low self esteem to the point where the only socially acceptable antidote is alcohol?  Have we grown up relying on alcohol as a confidence potion?  How many of us take a dose before we hit the dance floor or make a move on the opposite sex?  So many questions, yet the answer seems pretty clear:  I've never felt more calm, centred, happy and self-confident.  Coincidently I'm not drinking alcohol.

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The Big Bad Wolf

by Sarah Walton

  Once upon a time belonging to a group meant humans had less likelihood of being eaten by wolves.  These days wolves are better known for the role they play in The Three Little Pigs, yet we still find ourselves innately programmed to seek “safety in numbers”.  Whether we are amongst family, work colleagues or friends, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others as a means of making sure we’re fitting in.  It is difficult to stand alone in our opinion if it differs from the majority.  In a day where the Big Bad Wolf is very unlikely to eat us, we have to stop for a moment and wonder how much do we allow the fear of having a different opinion rule us? 

Our opinion is, after all, just that.  Our opinion.  It doesn’t affect anything except for our own reality.  Sometimes we're like: "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down if you don't agree with me!".  What a waste of energy.  When I stop trying to prove I’m right and genuinely listen to someone else’s opinion, regardless of whether I agree, I always learn something.  How many times have we said “I told you so!” (or wanted to say it).  Every time we choose being right we lose a little love in our relationships.  As we all know, chipping away at love means it will eventually run out.  We have to ask ourselves: what’s more important?  Being right… or love?

I believe that there is no such thing as wright or rong.  There is only perspective.  It goes back to the age old example of two people looking at one card.  One person swears the card is blue and the other swears it is white.  It turns out the card is blue on one side and white on the other.  The two people are just looking at it from different angles (or perspectives).  Cultural influences including (but not limited to) our education, family, environment, life experience and language fundamentally alter our perception of what is right or wrong.  Therefore, we should never be so ignorant to assume that what we know is fact.  We argue “I read it in a book”… “it’s common knowledge!”…  is it?  Or are we just agreeing with the majority and believing everything we read? 

These days we are bombarded with information.  Whether it be on the television, radio, internet or in the newspaper.  This information is created by other human beings from their perspective.  Just like I’m writing this now and you’re reading it.  I’m transferring information to you from my perspective.  You're questioning it and making up your own mind.  And if you decide you agree, and then you find the majority also agree, that still won’t make it “right”.

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Inner Child



"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." ~Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

Titled "A group of adult people." by Wikipedia

As adults we're told that it’s important to embrace our inner child.   But in our teens and our early twenties we’re told to stop behaving like children and “grow up!”.   I think somehow during the stages of developing as adults we were taught to repress our childish spirit, believing that in order to be responsible we had to stop having fun. 

I’ve looked up the definition of what it means to be an adult and no-where does it state that an adult must abstain from engaging in playful activity.  But society generally tells us (as in the exciting picture on the left) that being an adult means being serious all the time and in the process we have eliminated some “childish” behaviours and expression that are imperative to our happiness.

Is it a coincidence that most of us started drinking alcohol during our teens when we were expected to “grow up” and transition into adulthood?  Is it possible that we drank alcohol during this period as a way of holding onto our childhood?   

Most adults drink alcohol because they believe they can't let go and have fun without it.  I'd like to challenge that belief.  When I’m on the dance floor being silly and having fun these days I’m enjoying the fact that anyone who doesn’t know me probably thinks I’m drunk.  I have no excuse for my “childish” behaviour.  And it feels good.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

To drink, or not to drink, that is the question:

How do we decide if we’re going to drink on any given day? 

Rock Bar, Bali

Usually factors like work, children, responsibilities, playing and training for sports or having to drive.  But society leans so strongly toward drinking that if we don’t have a reason not to drink, then the assumed answer is “to drink!”.

In an old Friends episode Rachel (who is 30-something and pregnant) is going on a date with a new guy.  She doesn’t want to tell him she’s pregnant, so before leaving for her date she asks Joey’s opinion on what she should say when her date questions why she’s not drinking.  Her options are:  “… A) I’m a Morman; B) I’m a recovering alcoholic or; C) I got so wasted last night I’m still a little drunk”.

Why is not drinking on a date so unusual that we would feel we have to come up with an excuse as to why we’re not drinking in the first place?  It’s like coming up with reasons for not doing our homework: “Sorry Miss, the dog ate my... liver”.    Where does this come from?

Alcohol looks most appealing when it’s drunk by characters in films and on television.  I’m thinking attractive men and women sipping fancy cocktails in cosmopolitan cities and tropical islands.   Just writing about it makes me feel like a drink, but the irony is that they’re not even drinking alcohol!  I wonder how much of our desire to drink actually comes from this unrealistic Hollywood illusion?  The drinks in the above photo are non-alcoholic.  Does that change their appeal?

My binge-drinking past and my current sobriety allows me to see both sides of the argument “To drink, or not to drink”.   Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

NOT TO DRINK

* Productivity – I’m powering through goals faster than ever before.

* More energy – I signed up to do my first half-marathon and I can safely say I don’t think I could do it if I was drinking.

* Clarity – My awareness has expanded, my mind is sharper and I feel creatively alive.

* Strength – Physically, mentally and emotionally I feel like The Hulk!  

* Health – My lifestyle has naturally become healthier and more balanced from my eating habits, to exercise and activities.

* Wealth - I'm not just saving money, but I'm spending money on experiences that are more meaningful to me.

* Relationships – I’ve become much more reliable!  No more social no-shows due to hangovers.

* Long Weekends – No time wasted paralysed on the couch nursing a hangover means weekends feel longer.  Which brings me to the most obvious bonus of not drinking… No dreaded hangover!

* Happiness - All of the above positives work together increasing my overall happiness within myself and in all areas of my life.

TO DRINK

So far I haven’t come up with any good reason to drink…


If you're looking for an excuse to have a month without alcohol check out: http://febfast.org.au/ or http://www.dryjuly.com/?gclid=CODL6d3vi7ACFYY3pAoddyfJow

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Weapon of Mass Compassion

Watch out anger, jealousy and hate, here comes an emotion that can extinguish all three of you in one hit.  Compassion is taking the world by storm one unhappy person at a time.


Photo by Kat Hannon

 After all, anyone acting out in a harmful way is simply unhappy.  We never know what they might be going through and often it has nothing to do with us.  If we retaliate we not only make things worse for them, but for ourselves.

Given a choice, what sort of world do we want to live in?  One of anger and unhappiness?...  Or one of love and kindness?  We have the power to make that choice and we make it every time we’re faced with anger, hate or jealousy.  Do we continue to spread these emotions or do we take out our weapon of mass compassion and blow them away?  

Lets look at bullying.  It’s not just limited to the school playground.  It’s at work, at home, it’s everywhere.  The crazy thing is that bullying can come from a place of love, a place of good intention.   There’s the sort of bullying that comes from jealousy (in friendships or between lovers).  It’s the fear of losing that love that creates the need to protect it and fight against others.  But if we really loved someone, wouldn’t we want them to have other friends and feel loved by other people?     

Then there’s the situation when someone we love is being bullied or hurt by someone else.   Our initial reaction is to stop the hurt, but often the actions that are taken to stand up to the bully means we end up bullying the bully in the process.  What’s worse is when friends or family unite to “stand up” to the bully too and then what do we have?  We started with only one bully and now we have a whole clan of them!  Is that what we want?  More of what we’re fighting against? 

When someone is treating us badly it's often because they, themselves have been treated badly by someone else.  If we fight back with more of that negative behaviour... when does it end?

It ends with compassion.  When we fight with compassion we break the chain of harmful behaviour.  When we stop spreading the disease of unhappiness, we start spreading a new chain of emotion… LOVE.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

True Courage

‎"Courage is not living without fear.  Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway."  ~ Chae Richardson

 

South Melbourne, Australia

Sometimes we drink too much; eat too much or don't eat enough; over shop and spend out of our means; watch too much television; exercise to the point of obsession; work too hard and sometimes we shut down and avoid emotions all together.       

Any habit we find difficult to control often acts as a bandaid to cover up underlying issues.  Once we face a problem and resolve it, the unhealthy habit naturally becomes easier to control and sometimes it completely falls away.  My visit to Odyssey House last week showed me that no one knows this better than their residents.  What’s important to understand about drug and alcohol abuse is that it’s only a symptom and what really needs treating is the cause. 



Courage is not measured by our ability to pretend everything is okay when we are struggling inside.  True courage is becoming aware of our issues, facing them and taking action.

That's what residents of Odyssey House are doing.  Unlike Sandra Bullock in 28 Days, they're not climbing out of windows trying to escape, they’re there because they want to get better: they had to earn their place there.  They work 9-5 and follow a disciplined routine making them accountable for their actions.  Not only are they working through issues such as those stemming from violence or sexual abuse, but they are conquering drug and alcohol abuse and all the while they’re not allowed to have sex or consume any stimulants.  No coffee to wake them up in the morning, not even a pain killer for a headache.  

To honour their hard work, for the Month of May I'll be totally stimulant free.  No chocolate, green tea or pain killers.  It’s really just a token compared to the mountains these guys are moving for themselves.  I raise my glass (of water) to the residents of Odyssey House “You guys are simply amazing!”.

For more about Odyssey House: http://www.odyssey.org.au/

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

ADULT Slumber Party

Nietzsche said "In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play".

Richmond, Melbourne, Australia

We all know that the best part of a night out is often pre-drinks or the next morning (if we've crashed at a friend's place).  Sometimes we even wish we hadn't gone out because we were having so much fun at home.  This got me thinking...

Do we use alcohol as an excuse to have a slumber party?

Let’s look at the correlation between the things we do when we’re drinking and the activities that made up our childhood slumber parties:

Dancing – the family loungeroom is used by children around the world as a training ground for the professional development of dance moves which are later adapted to the night club dance floor in our adult lives.  Some famous moves are The Lawn Mower, The Sprinkler, The Hedge Clippers and the all-time favourite: Air Guitar!

D & M’s –  deep and meaningful conversations, secrets and confessions of any description designed to bring us closer to our friends. 

Risk taking  –  nudie runs, boobie flashes, planking and other stupid stuff.

Games - Card games (eg. Snap, Fish, Strip Poker, Kings); Truth or Dare, Celebrity Heads, Board Games etc.  Throw alcohol into the mix and we've got ourselves a “Drinking Game”!

Singing- singing and yelling at the top of our lungs becomes Karaoke, sing alongs and… yelling at the top of our lungs.

Laughing till our tummy hurts - or till we (almost) wet our pants!

Midnight snacks – Lollies and chips to a child is Doner kebab or Maccers run to an adult.

Staying up late  – Having a big night was once judged on whether we were awake to watch music video clips on RAGE.  Now it's based on whether we end up at our dodgy local pub or club (whichever has the latest running liquor license).

Who said that sleeping at a friend’s place, playing games, being silly, having deep conversations, dancing, singing and staying up late were such inexcusable, inappropriate behaviour for adults that we had to create a culture based on drinking a poisonous substance to the point of inebriation just so we can use it as an excuse to …well basically, let’s face it… have FUN!

I’m not saying that we can’t have a drink when we go to a party, but we shouldn’t feel we need to drink to let our hair down and have a good time.  Even although I'm flyin' sober these days I'm still taking the lawn mower out with me wherever I go.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6