Saturday 30 June 2012

Keeping up with Bridget Jones

Bridget Jones
Bridget Jones perfected the art of imperfection.  We love watching her and characters like Carrie Bradshaw, Nina Proudman or Ted Mosby take chances, put themselves out there and fall down (often literally) because when they make mistakes it makes us feel better about our failures.  It reassures us that it’s okay to be flawed.  

Keeping up with the Joneses is an out dated concept, yet we still feel pressure to “appear” as though we are perfect and that everything is “fine”.  Our imperfections make us unique.  Our scars, our mistakes, our battles, our struggles and failures help us grow so why would we want to hide them?  When we don’t accept ourselves as flawed, it creates an insecurity which can only be covered up by projecting an unrealistic expectation of perfection onto others and this can cause problems in relationships.  Whether it’s a boss who constantly berates employees for making mistakes or friends and lovers blaming and picking at each other, it’s merely a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. 
When we love and accept ourselves as flawed we allow others to feel accepted "... just as [they] are.  Not fatter, not thinner.  Not with slightly bigger breasts or a slightly smaller nose... just as [they] are." ~ Bridget Jones' Diary.

Mistakes and failures are merely learning curves and opportunities for growth.  Bridget and her fellow imperfectionists show us how making mistakes can lead to happiness because they always succeed in the end.  But what if happiness isn't at the end of the film or T.V. series.  What if happiness is right now?  Not when we get that dream job, lose weight, finish a degree, earn more money, find a partner, have a baby or move house... but right now. 

If success is happiness and we can only achieve true happiness through mistakes and failures, then surely we should be welcoming and celebrating failure rather than trying to avoid it?  I know I’ve made a million mistakes and I’ll make a million more.  And I wouldn’t change a single one because they are part of what has gotten me here… And here is pretty great.

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Tuesday 12 June 2012

The Truth about Cats & Grog

by Sarah Walton
Okay, so I don’t know much about cats, but having grown up in Western Society I've had a decent amount of experience with Grog (an Australian term for alcohol).  I’ve talked about how I think most of us drink alcohol because of a misconception that we can’t have fun without it.  I’d like to explore more of these myths and why we grow up believing them.

Most of us started drinking alcohol during our late teens.  We had just survived voice breaking, bra slinging, period aching, pimple popping madness.  Ah, the Wonder Years!  Puberty and adolescence meant big changes.  Not just physically, but hormonally, socially and emotionally.   By beginning to drink as we "grew up" did some of us learn to associate drinking alcohol with the development of our coping techniques, our emotions and our confidence?

Here are a few common phrases that could be partially responsible:

“Have a drink to ease the pain."
MYTH:  We are weak, incapable of dealing with pain and therefore need alcohol to numb it.
TRUTH:   The human mind and body make us one of the most complex, resilient beings on this planet.   Our mind is a muscle and just like our bicep, the more we use it, the stronger it becomes.  When we don’t rely on alcohol and we use our mind to deal with pain, we not only learn to control our response to it, but we increase our resilience to pain in the future.
  
“A couple of nerve settlers will do the trick!”
MYTH:  We’re not competent in coping with nerves and alcohol helps to calm us down.
TRUTH: Research on the central nervous system tells us that alcohol systematically destroys our nerves and can cause anxiety.  All we have to do is take note of the fragile state we’re in when we’re hung-over to experience the effects for ourselves.  When we address the core beliefs that are responsible for nerves not only are we competent in coping with them, but we can often prevent them from surfacing in the first place.

“Alcohol gives you dutch courage.”  
MYTH: We lack confidence and alcohol provides us with the confidence we need.
TRUTH:  Alcohol hinders our judgement which often means we do things we later regret resulting in a lack of confidence and lowering of the self-esteem.  When we are brave enough to take measured risks without alcohol, it strengthens our confidence and helps us build a healthier self-esteem.

I love our Aussie commitment to being "true blue", but are the blurred lines between arrogance and self-confidence causing us to encourage low self esteem to the point where the only socially acceptable antidote is alcohol?  Have we grown up relying on alcohol as a confidence potion?  How many of us take a dose before we hit the dance floor or make a move on the opposite sex?  So many questions, yet the answer seems pretty clear:  I've never felt more calm, centred, happy and self-confident.  Coincidently I'm not drinking alcohol.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Sunday 3 June 2012

The Big Bad Wolf


by Sarah Walton
  Once upon a time belonging to a group meant humans had less likelihood of being eaten by wolves.  These days wolves are better known for the role they play in The Three Little Pigs, yet we still find ourselves innately programmed to seek “safety in numbers”.  Whether we are amongst family, work colleagues or friends, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others as a means of making sure we’re fitting in.  It is difficult to stand alone in our opinion if it differs from the majority.  In a day where the Big Bad Wolf is very unlikely to eat us, we have to stop for a moment and wonder how much do we allow the fear of having a different opinion rule us? 

Our opinion is, after all, just that.  Our opinionIt doesn’t affect anything except for our own reality.  Sometimes we're like: "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down if you don't agree with me!".  What a waste of energy.  When I stop trying to prove I’m right and genuinely listen to someone else’s opinion, regardless of whether I agree, I always learn something.  How many times have we said “I told you so!” (or wanted to say it).  Every time we choose being right we lose a little love in our relationships.  As we all know, chipping away at love means it will eventually run out.  We have to ask ourselves: what’s more important?  Being right… or love?

I believe that there is no such thing as wright or rong.  There is only perspective.  It goes back to the age old example of two people looking at one card.  One person swears the card is blue and the other swears it is white.  It turns out the card is blue on one side and white on the other.  The two people are just looking at it from different angles (or perspectives).  Cultural influences including (but not limited to) our education, family, environment, life experience and language fundamentally alter our perception of what is right or wrong.  Therefore, we should never be so ignorant to assume that what we know is fact.  We argue “I read it in a book”… “it’s common knowledge!”…  is it?  Or are we just agreeing with the majority and believing everything we read? 

These days we are bombarded with information.  Whether it be on the television, radio, internet or in the newspaper.  This information is created by other human beings from their perspective.  Just like I’m writing this now and you’re reading it.  I’m transferring information to you from my perspective.  You're questioning it and making up your own mind.  And if you decide you agree, and then you find the majority also agree, that still won’t make it “right”.


If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6