Inner Child



"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." ~Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

Titled "A group of adult people." by Wikipedia

As adults we're told that it’s important to embrace our inner child.   But in our teens and our early twenties we’re told to stop behaving like children and “grow up!”.   I think somehow during the stages of developing as adults we were taught to repress our childish spirit, believing that in order to be responsible we had to stop having fun. 

I’ve looked up the definition of what it means to be an adult and no-where does it state that an adult must abstain from engaging in playful activity.  But society generally tells us (as in the exciting picture on the left) that being an adult means being serious all the time and in the process we have eliminated some “childish” behaviours and expression that are imperative to our happiness.

Is it a coincidence that most of us started drinking alcohol during our teens when we were expected to “grow up” and transition into adulthood?  Is it possible that we drank alcohol during this period as a way of holding onto our childhood?   

Most adults drink alcohol because they believe they can't let go and have fun without it.  I'd like to challenge that belief.  When I’m on the dance floor being silly and having fun these days I’m enjoying the fact that anyone who doesn’t know me probably thinks I’m drunk.  I have no excuse for my “childish” behaviour.  And it feels good.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

To drink, or not to drink, that is the question:

How do we decide if we’re going to drink on any given day? 

Rock Bar, Bali

Usually factors like work, children, responsibilities, playing and training for sports or having to drive.  But society leans so strongly toward drinking that if we don’t have a reason not to drink, then the assumed answer is “to drink!”.

In an old Friends episode Rachel (who is 30-something and pregnant) is going on a date with a new guy.  She doesn’t want to tell him she’s pregnant, so before leaving for her date she asks Joey’s opinion on what she should say when her date questions why she’s not drinking.  Her options are:  “… A) I’m a Morman; B) I’m a recovering alcoholic or; C) I got so wasted last night I’m still a little drunk”.

Why is not drinking on a date so unusual that we would feel we have to come up with an excuse as to why we’re not drinking in the first place?  It’s like coming up with reasons for not doing our homework: “Sorry Miss, the dog ate my... liver”.    Where does this come from?

Alcohol looks most appealing when it’s drunk by characters in films and on television.  I’m thinking attractive men and women sipping fancy cocktails in cosmopolitan cities and tropical islands.   Just writing about it makes me feel like a drink, but the irony is that they’re not even drinking alcohol!  I wonder how much of our desire to drink actually comes from this unrealistic Hollywood illusion?  The drinks in the above photo are non-alcoholic.  Does that change their appeal?

My binge-drinking past and my current sobriety allows me to see both sides of the argument “To drink, or not to drink”.   Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

NOT TO DRINK

* Productivity – I’m powering through goals faster than ever before.

* More energy – I signed up to do my first half-marathon and I can safely say I don’t think I could do it if I was drinking.

* Clarity – My awareness has expanded, my mind is sharper and I feel creatively alive.

* Strength – Physically, mentally and emotionally I feel like The Hulk!  

* Health – My lifestyle has naturally become healthier and more balanced from my eating habits, to exercise and activities.

* Wealth - I'm not just saving money, but I'm spending money on experiences that are more meaningful to me.

* Relationships – I’ve become much more reliable!  No more social no-shows due to hangovers.

* Long Weekends – No time wasted paralysed on the couch nursing a hangover means weekends feel longer.  Which brings me to the most obvious bonus of not drinking… No dreaded hangover!

* Happiness - All of the above positives work together increasing my overall happiness within myself and in all areas of my life.

TO DRINK

So far I haven’t come up with any good reason to drink…


If you're looking for an excuse to have a month without alcohol check out: http://febfast.org.au/ or http://www.dryjuly.com/?gclid=CODL6d3vi7ACFYY3pAoddyfJow

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Weapon of Mass Compassion

Watch out anger, jealousy and hate, here comes an emotion that can extinguish all three of you in one hit.  Compassion is taking the world by storm one unhappy person at a time.


Photo by Kat Hannon

 After all, anyone acting out in a harmful way is simply unhappy.  We never know what they might be going through and often it has nothing to do with us.  If we retaliate we not only make things worse for them, but for ourselves.

Given a choice, what sort of world do we want to live in?  One of anger and unhappiness?...  Or one of love and kindness?  We have the power to make that choice and we make it every time we’re faced with anger, hate or jealousy.  Do we continue to spread these emotions or do we take out our weapon of mass compassion and blow them away?  

Lets look at bullying.  It’s not just limited to the school playground.  It’s at work, at home, it’s everywhere.  The crazy thing is that bullying can come from a place of love, a place of good intention.   There’s the sort of bullying that comes from jealousy (in friendships or between lovers).  It’s the fear of losing that love that creates the need to protect it and fight against others.  But if we really loved someone, wouldn’t we want them to have other friends and feel loved by other people?     

Then there’s the situation when someone we love is being bullied or hurt by someone else.   Our initial reaction is to stop the hurt, but often the actions that are taken to stand up to the bully means we end up bullying the bully in the process.  What’s worse is when friends or family unite to “stand up” to the bully too and then what do we have?  We started with only one bully and now we have a whole clan of them!  Is that what we want?  More of what we’re fighting against? 

When someone is treating us badly it's often because they, themselves have been treated badly by someone else.  If we fight back with more of that negative behaviour... when does it end?

It ends with compassion.  When we fight with compassion we break the chain of harmful behaviour.  When we stop spreading the disease of unhappiness, we start spreading a new chain of emotion… LOVE.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

True Courage

‎"Courage is not living without fear.  Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway."  ~ Chae Richardson

 

South Melbourne, Australia

Sometimes we drink too much; eat too much or don't eat enough; over shop and spend out of our means; watch too much television; exercise to the point of obsession; work too hard and sometimes we shut down and avoid emotions all together.       

Any habit we find difficult to control often acts as a bandaid to cover up underlying issues.  Once we face a problem and resolve it, the unhealthy habit naturally becomes easier to control and sometimes it completely falls away.  My visit to Odyssey House last week showed me that no one knows this better than their residents.  What’s important to understand about drug and alcohol abuse is that it’s only a symptom and what really needs treating is the cause. 



Courage is not measured by our ability to pretend everything is okay when we are struggling inside.  True courage is becoming aware of our issues, facing them and taking action.

That's what residents of Odyssey House are doing.  Unlike Sandra Bullock in 28 Days, they're not climbing out of windows trying to escape, they’re there because they want to get better: they had to earn their place there.  They work 9-5 and follow a disciplined routine making them accountable for their actions.  Not only are they working through issues such as those stemming from violence or sexual abuse, but they are conquering drug and alcohol abuse and all the while they’re not allowed to have sex or consume any stimulants.  No coffee to wake them up in the morning, not even a pain killer for a headache.  

To honour their hard work, for the Month of May I'll be totally stimulant free.  No chocolate, green tea or pain killers.  It’s really just a token compared to the mountains these guys are moving for themselves.  I raise my glass (of water) to the residents of Odyssey House “You guys are simply amazing!”.

For more about Odyssey House: http://www.odyssey.org.au/

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

ADULT Slumber Party

Nietzsche said "In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play".

Richmond, Melbourne, Australia

We all know that the best part of a night out is often pre-drinks or the next morning (if we've crashed at a friend's place).  Sometimes we even wish we hadn't gone out because we were having so much fun at home.  This got me thinking...

Do we use alcohol as an excuse to have a slumber party?

Let’s look at the correlation between the things we do when we’re drinking and the activities that made up our childhood slumber parties:

Dancing – the family loungeroom is used by children around the world as a training ground for the professional development of dance moves which are later adapted to the night club dance floor in our adult lives.  Some famous moves are The Lawn Mower, The Sprinkler, The Hedge Clippers and the all-time favourite: Air Guitar!

D & M’s –  deep and meaningful conversations, secrets and confessions of any description designed to bring us closer to our friends. 

Risk taking  –  nudie runs, boobie flashes, planking and other stupid stuff.

Games - Card games (eg. Snap, Fish, Strip Poker, Kings); Truth or Dare, Celebrity Heads, Board Games etc.  Throw alcohol into the mix and we've got ourselves a “Drinking Game”!

Singing- singing and yelling at the top of our lungs becomes Karaoke, sing alongs and… yelling at the top of our lungs.

Laughing till our tummy hurts - or till we (almost) wet our pants!

Midnight snacks – Lollies and chips to a child is Doner kebab or Maccers run to an adult.

Staying up late  – Having a big night was once judged on whether we were awake to watch music video clips on RAGE.  Now it's based on whether we end up at our dodgy local pub or club (whichever has the latest running liquor license).

Who said that sleeping at a friend’s place, playing games, being silly, having deep conversations, dancing, singing and staying up late were such inexcusable, inappropriate behaviour for adults that we had to create a culture based on drinking a poisonous substance to the point of inebriation just so we can use it as an excuse to …well basically, let’s face it… have FUN!

I’m not saying that we can’t have a drink when we go to a party, but we shouldn’t feel we need to drink to let our hair down and have a good time.  Even although I'm flyin' sober these days I'm still taking the lawn mower out with me wherever I go.

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

AFL: Macho to Mindful

“It’s More than a Game” indeed! 

Brett Kirk

AFL (Australian Football League)  was once stereotyped as a tough macho sport, but recent years have seen the influence of humanitarian types like the late Jim Styes bring a sensitivity to the game.

I was both shocked and inspired to hear that meditation, and love and compassion toward team members is not only appreciated, but practised and promoted by recently retired AFL player Brett Kirk. 

Our view of what it takes to be a “hero” is shifting as more and more people are understanding the power of mindfulness. 

Port Melbourne, Australia

One of Jim Stynes’ favourite poems says it perfectly:

The Guy in the Glass

When you get all you want and you struggle for pelf,

and the world makes you king for a day,

then go to the mirror and look at yourself

and see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your mother, your father or wife

whose judgment upon you must pass,

but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please,

never mind all the rest.

For he's with you right to the end,

and you've passed your most difficult test

if the man in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world,

down the highway of years,

and take pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

if you've cheated the man in the glass.

~ Peter "Dale" Wimbrow Sr.

Jim Stynes’ foundation “Reach” helps troubled youth improve their quality of life and fulfil their potential.  See the below link:
http://www.reach.org.au/about-reach/meet-our-founders

Stressed? Confess, Digress... Progress!

"If a warrior is to succeed at anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession" ~ Carlos Castaneda

Albert Park, Melbourne, Australia

It’s fair to say that most of our stress stems from worrying about what others think of us.  Whether it be our boss, our partner, our family, friends or those special people who challenge us (also fondly known as our “enemies”); we are constantly trying to gain approval to validate who we “believe” we are and what we believe we should be “achieving” in our lives. 

When I set aside the need for approval from others and focus on approving of myself, not only do I feel less stressed, but funnily enough I seem to get approval from the people I was trying to get it from in the first place.  It’s like we were brought up in a society where everything we were taught was backwards.   I feel like I’m back in primary school and it’s Opposites Day!  "I care what other people think… NOT!  It’s Opposites Day!"  [cue children laughing].

I’m not pretending I have all the answers and I know I never will, but it’s true when they say “life is a journey”

… and I finally feel like I’m enjoying the ride!

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Successful Happiness

Southbank, Melbourne, Australia

What is success?  Success is not measured by achievements or by money, but by our happiness and our ability to love.  Love for others, yes.  But first and foremost love for ourselves.

What is happiness?  In society there’s this delusion that happiness comes from achievements or the accumulation of “things”. 

Following that model we often feel disappointed when an accomplishment or new “thing” fails to provide us with the happiness we expected.  Mostly it’s a short lived high followed by a low and frantically searching and working toward the next thing to give us that momentary hit of pleasure.  The cycle continues.  If we flip that around though and work on making ourselves happy first, then the things we want come to us.  

Recently I set my goals aside and focussed solely on inner peace and sharing the resulting happiness and peace with others.  Suddenly my outer circumstances started to reflect that happiness.  In less than 2 months I quit my job, started a new job with less hours, joined a course in production management so I can make my own films, created a fundraiser and this blog and committed to not drinking alcohol for a year.  Not only am I happy and living my dreams, but I’m sharing that happiness with others ...And I’m feeling pretty “successful".

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Sober Wilder: Party Liason

Saturday night I was out until 2am without a drop of alcohol.  I danced, caught up with friends and giggled until I actually felt drunk!

Brunswick St, Melbourne, Australia

In my early 20s I thought that if someone wasn't drinking they were boring to go out with, but I wonder if maybe it's the other way around?   When drunk we are highly likely to take on one of the following characters:

* The Slury
Slur their words or just generally speak incoherently.  Unless of course we are also drunk, in which case we are fluent in "jibberish" and understand them perfectly.

* The Broken Record
Repeat the same sentence or story over and over again.  Repeat the same sentence or story over and over again [cue record scratch sound].

* The Pacifier (AKA The Baby's Dummy)
The beer bottle or glass of alcohol acts as a pacifier (baby's dummy) and the person will suck contently on their drink (even if it's empty or the lid is still on) and not engage in conversation. 
If there are a few Pacifiers in a circle they will literally sit there drinking and not talk.  These days they are likely to be tapping away on their iPhones, checking Facebook or other unsocial behaviour.  Kinda blows the theory that drinking is social right out of the water.

 * The Cradle Rock
"...when the wind blows, drunk person will rock"... back and forth and back and forth. (On the dance floor this motion can sometimes pass for a dance move).
But "when the bow breaks, the drunk person will fall and down will come drunked, VB's and all..."

 * The Personal Space-inator
Behaves like your long lost best friend even if you've only met that night.  
"I love u too man, but could you kindly get your breath out of my face."

 * The Say it Don't Spppray it!
Best mates with the personal space-inator.  Need I say more?

I'm making light of these because they're pretty funny on reflection.  Or is it that I find drunk people funny because I'm trying to justify my own drunken behaviour?   

All I know is that Saturday night was one of the best nights I've had out in a long time and the only drink I was smashing was water...

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

Gandhi was a Rockstar

What holds us back from making change and allowing growth?  FEAR.
Gandhi said "The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear."

Turtle Island, Bali

It makes so much sense!  If we are not afraid we have no reason to hate.  All hate comes from fear. 

Fear that we will not be liked, fear that someone will leave us, fear that someone will take our job, fear that we're not good enough... all these fears create jealousy, greed, hate. 

If we feel jealousy or resentment it's often because we want something that person has.  Jealousy can be useful as a sign we want to change.  When we recognise the fear, remove it and look at successful people with admiration, not resentment, it works to our advantage.  Once fear is removed we can genuinely be happy for someone else and it in turn brings us happiness.

And what might that happiness spark in us?  We just might get into action and go about creating for ourselves what we are admiring in the person we were once hating on.  That is part of how I got here.

Gandi was a rockstar... but so are you!

A HUGE thank you to all who have donated so far! 

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6

 

The Man in the Mirror

Michael Jackson said "If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change"...

Seminyak, Bali

So, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror".  As of today March 25, 2012 (my 32nd birthday) I'm abstaining completely from alcohol for 1 year in an attempt to create awareness and raise money for those affected by drug and alcohol abuse.   If you would like to donate to my chosen charity Odyssey House you can do so at the bottom of this page. 
My cigarette smoking and partying days of my 20s are behind me and I'm at the point in my life where I'm focussing on achieving my dreams and my goals.  Only 6 months after quitting smoking I wrote a feature film script that made it into the finals of an international competition and I trained myself to stretch my 5 minute running record to at least 90 minutes. 

This got me thinking... Is alcohol holding me back too?  I wonder what I could achieve in a year without drinking?  Well, I'm about to find out...

Odyssey House is "Providing Opportunites for Change and Growth".

If you would like to support the cause you can recommend this page below or donate here: http://www.everydayhero.com.au/sarah_walton_6